It seems to be in constant flux in my world. It seems to be in constant flux in the worlds around me. It’s the desire for a foothold. It’s the desire for acknowledgment. Those acknowledgements can span from a single soul to the entire universe.
I’ve had a screwed up back for the last several days. I will move certain ways and my back will spasm and a grunt will come out of me. I can’t do yoga, which is the thing that most grounds me. I feel weak and shaky. I can’t understand the people who don’t move from a seated position for days on end. I feel as if my blood has slowed and pooled in my limbs. Sometimes it’s there mere flow of blood that grounds me and sometimes I want so much more.
I see so much yearning. I can picture face after face and tag the yearning in that person. I can picture my own face on some nights and just wish for the relevance of arms around me in an unconditional love. There are days when that comes from my own arms. Perhaps someday my own arms will be all the relevance I need. But for now, I am reassessing my walls. My, they are tall again.
In some ways I am more open and observant than ever and in others I am less likely to open the door than ever before. There are things I am afraid to say, so I won’t. I am scared of what you will think of me. I am scared I will be rejected again, so I will just keep my mouth shut.
So much more to say and someday I may say it.
Leave a Comment
No comments yet.
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
